My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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