i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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