I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
