I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
