she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
