new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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