for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
where does the pee come out of this thing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
