i think my tv is drunk
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
