so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
