FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
