I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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