I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
