Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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