If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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