pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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