It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
