The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
