I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
