I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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