I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
