you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
