Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
