Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
