i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
