I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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