you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
