i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
