talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
