it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
