When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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