Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
