so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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