They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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