His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
