Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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