I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there's paper in my vomit.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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