you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
