Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
