haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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