i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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