I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
