eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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