she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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