she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
