Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
