This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
