I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
