??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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