he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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