Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
